What It Is

Jeff Foxworthy defines "redneck" as "a complete lack of sophistication. Maybe not all the time, but I guarantee that at some time in your life, you have been a redneck."

Some of us more than others.

Being a redneck does not always mean doing dumbass stunts, and doing dumbass stunts does not make you a redneck, but hey, it's pretty unsophisticated when you use upended two-by-fours as jackstands for your truck and don't stop to worry about the possible consequences. Being a redneck doesn't mean you're poor, nor do you need to be trailer trash. But if you grew up in a single-wide practicing your baseball pitches with rocks on your dad's empties, you might be a redneck.

Not every redneck drinks. But a lot of us do. Not because we're alcoholics, but because it's social. We're not all stupid, nor are we all Southern. We do, however, do what it takes to get it done (whatever that is) and don't give a rat's ass about what you think of how we did it.

This is for those of you who need new ideas on how to solve your problems the redneck way.

This is for those of you who are wondering if you might be a redneck.

This is to share your daily redneck moments, no matter who you are. I know high-class, college-educated people who have a redneck moment almost every few weeks and aren't scared to admit it. I also know a four-year-old who wolfs down Thanksgiving dinner so he can go "Blow shit up" out back with his daddy.

Redneck Woman

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Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Redneck Recipes

I mentioned that we really DO have a lot of uses for bacon grease. One of them is to just leave it in the pan when making scrambled eggs. Makes then ten times better. Another use for bacon grease is lamp fuel. Seriously, I've seen it done. It's a little inefficient, but you have a hell of a lot of grease and not much parrafin when you're a farmer. Think of "backwards" farmers in Missouri. You probably just pictured someone I'm related to, and if they ever find out what you called them, you in for a whuppin'.

Remember, we take pride in our barbeque, and it is a talent handed down from father to son. Then the son comes up with his own way, and repeats. I cook by smell, not time. If it smells right and looks done, it's done. There is a large grey area in the term "right." This is why barbeque is an art. It will take trial and error for you to learn what's "right" for you. Volumes are deliberately vague.

Here's another redneck recipe. Chili. This chili has won chili cookoffs. This chili has fed families for weeks. This chili is MINE.

You'll be needing
  • 2 pounds of chuck steak
  • some taters
  • two big-ass cans of tomato paste
  • one normal can of chicken stock
  • three big carrots
  • an onion
  • some Stubb's Smokey Mesquite BBQ sauce (trust me, no substitutes)
  • the talent to light and feed a hot, extremely smokey maple fire. NO ACCELERANTS!
  • roasted semi-mild peppers-- buy from the dudes by the highway and freeze.

Grill your steak. Chop everything. Put tomato paste, chicken stock in stewpot on grill. Stir. Smokey fire, close lid. Wait a few minutes. Stoke fire. Open lid. Stir. Repeat until 2/3 to 1/2 original volume. Add a glob of BBQ sauce. Stir. Taste. Add more to taste, keep it a little weaker than "it oughta be". Add fixin's. Stir. Stoke fire. Plenty of smoke. close lid (your pot is ALWAYS uncovered). You should have a medium-hot fire. You know your grill, it's thermometer, and the lies it tells. You know what medium-hot look like in the language of thermometer-lie. Keep your smoke going for as long as you have patience for, and ten minutes after that. Taste. Serve. NEVER cover it while it's hot. This'll keep and keep and keep.

You can adjust this recipe. One of my favorite ways is to dump in a bunch of hot bacon grease. Another use for the grease is to mix it with Worstershire suace and marinate your steak in it before grilling. You'll thank me.

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