The best idea I've EVER had

Well, maybe it's not. A lot of things look like a great idea until I think them through. Then I usually realize that it won't work, I'm too lazy, or it'll probably get me arrested. But I'm going to write down this idea before that moment of enlightenment comes.

Let me set the scene. I live on a hill. A hellishly steep hill. You know, the one that goes from Alameda to Highway 285? Well, if you are ever in Denver, you know what I'm talking about. Everything for a few miles is tilted at an angle, rendering it impossible to get home in the winter, play basketball in your driveway, get into your driveway at all, or find level land that's not privately owned for miles around. You can get on a bicycle at my house and get a speeding ticket before you get to the grocery store, if you are a speed demon and don't use the brakes. I've come real close. But see, the problem is getting home.

You can't ride a bike back up this hill. I don't care who you are, you can be a champion Tour De France mountain rider and you will be stopping for breath before you are halfway home. There is no way to get enough torque, even if you get a flying start and stand on the freaking pedals. Last year I decided to pull one of the big gears off of the front of my bike and stick it on the rear, giving me a much lower gear ratio. I still walked the bloody thing home. I'm getting real sick of this.

I know it's still winter and all and I should be complaining about powersliding onto the lawn when trying to park in the driveway, but I kind of enjoy when my dad does that, and we haven't had enough snow to cause that recently. I've been working under the assumption that it's summer for the past few weeks, and I'll be doing that until it actually is.

Anyway, my new master plan involves the weedwhacker in the shed. I know that this probably is a very bad idea, but what better way to get into trouble over the summer? That's what summers are for.

I really wish my dad had ever taught me bicycle maintenance, but I guess I can't hold it against him. He grew up in steeper country than me. I don't know if bicycle maintenance is a subject he never learned, or if he just never shared it with me. Anyway, being almost totally pedal-bike-illiterate and yet being a gearhead with a love for motorcycles, my solutions are trial and error (mostly error). I know I can solve my problem with what I have on hand, I just can't figure out how. And, when all else fails, add a motor with enough torque to help me get home.

You have no idea how tempting it is just to take the Kowasaki to wherever I'm going.

But I know that would be cheating, get me grounded, probably arrested, and it hasn't run since the '80s.

So I'm back to working out a solution to my problem while keeping my bicycle primarily human-powered. My lastest theory is to take the 12-volt motor from our weedwhacker and gear it onto the sumnabitch. Silent, lots of torque, and it's not like we really needed that weedwhacker.

Now I'm going to bed before I stop and realize that there's SO many things wrong with that idea. G'night ya'll.

Warning: Unauthorized cars will be shot

This is a zoomed-in portion of a photo of some grafitti on a brick wall out back of what appears to be a warehouse. The graffiti in question says "Whatever you destroy we'll create it again." That's all meaningful and deep and stuff, but I couldn't help but notice the sign on the wall.

Unauthorized cars will be towed away and shot.

Welcome to our little corner of the world, where if it sits still long enough, it's probably a target.