Reposted from www.asofterworld.com

Why, you ask, am I reposting a story told by Joey of A Softer World fame fame on a blog dedicated to crap relating to rednecks? I'll tell you why. Because I felt like it. I have other reasons, though. Resons like the fact that if you pull that sort of stunt in real life, you will have a deer hunting accident. Or wander in front of an errant train. Or maybe just get your ass kicked so bad you'll feel it after you're dead. See if you can relate to the man's frustration as the tool on the other end pulls all of this.

Yesterday I played chess on the internet against a stranger.
He kept saying "Hurry up. Why u so slow? this isn't poker." Poker? "Yea. this
isn't poker or checkers. Move." Poker and checkers are both faster games than
chess, I told him. Chess is a thinking game. "No. why u think grandmasters
always only play w clock?" So, I played faster than I'm used to, and made some
serious mistakes. He was making mistakes too, but I was only seeing them
afterward. It is very frustrating to lose against someone you know you could
beat. I was down a bishop and a knight, and I resigned. "Too bad your no good."
he said. We started another game. "That's ur move? are you really stupid?" and I
played more aggressively than I should have. I got excited, and lost my queen
because I wasn't looking. This is two games in a row I lost, and I wanted to
win. I told him, one more game. "ur funeral." he said.I took my time. I thought
about my moves and I thought about his moves and I put the pressure on, slowly.
When I get angry, I become very careful. I don't know if that's how you get
angry. I become very careful and very focused. When he started trading pieces,
he made mistakes. With every exchange I got a little something. A pawn. Some
space in the center. He kept wasting moves, retreating his pieces. And then I
got him. He had no move. He was going to lose a rook for a pawn. So you know
what he did? He said "I am going to let you win, so that you can be happi about
winning 1 game at least." and he moved his queen to where I could take it for
nothing. I got so angry. I told him to take his move back, but he said, "no I
said you could win."So, what could I do? I resigned. Chess is very serious
business, by the way.

Update

Wow, it's been a while. Thanksgiving really took a chunk of my attention, it looks like.

It is a redneck behavior for your scale die-cast car and motorcycle models get their own dedicated cabinet, and your ceramic food-ware doesn't. Many of you gearheads out there know what I'm talking about. Let's share photos of our collections.

What else..... oh, yes. I have been asked to embed a certain sort of video here. I've given up on that. Sorry, Moonbeam. You find one, I'll embed it.

I have another axe to grind. Snow removal. Those of you who get a serious winter every year know what I'm talking about. Use the proper implements to remove that pesky stuff. A grass-blowing lawnmover, while it will suck up and throw dry snow, will do nothing but rust in the face of wet snow. So don't try it, or you'll have a nasty rusty suprise in the spring.

If you do destroy your lawn mower via snow-removal, take the engine out and get rid of the rest. Don't stick it in your fucking shed and buy a new one. A 16 horsepower engine is good for highway speeds. A rusty lawnmower shell is good for nothing.


Other bad snow removal methods:

• If you live on an appreciable hill, it might look logical to try to remove the 2-4 inches of snow with a snow shovel that you're holding out front of your Radio Flyer wagon. It works, but you need extra weight in the wagon and it is tough to keep the shovel under all the snow. It is also difficult to guide the snow to the side. Steering is also a problem. Falling out of the wagon isn't fun, either.
  
  
• Using a heat lamp to melt the snow off will remove snow, but it is slow and will result in ice.
  
  
• Purposely playing music loud to try to cause an avalanche off of your roof, thus avoiding danger of the snow weight causing structural problems looks good on paper. Gabled roffs are at the optimal angle for an avalanche, and if you have gotten two bouts of snow, one should come off easily. Causing vibration to loosen the snow, similar to tumbling the walls of Jericho, sounds plausible. Issues with this approach:
  
  Unless you have four-foot-tall Peavey concert PA speakers on the first floor of your house, hooked up to a Korg, Marshall, or other concert post-amp, you will not get a loud enough bass range to do anything useful. You will only fry something expensive.
  
  If you do have the above, consider your attic space. It is likely insulated, which will deaden the effect.
  
  Another issue: You will likely damage your hearing in the attempt unless you use construction earmuffs. You may also damage windows. Duct tape won't fix that, bucko.
  
  
  
• An ice removal tip: Use a heavy metal rod, not a sledgehammer or hammer of any sort.

Better ways to acomplish the same thing as the above:

• Forget the wagon. Just hold onto the shovel, put it at about a 15 degree angle towards the street, and take a run at it. You'll act like a human snowplow. No more lifting.
  
  
  
• Use mag chloride. table salt isn't as effective.
  
  
  
• Get in the attic and bang on the underside of the roof. Not too hard, as you don't want to disloge nails. It will work quite well. You will also likely itch like hell from the insulation, so cover up before you get up there and tuck in your shirt, duct taping your sleeves and pantlegs tight. Now go fix that window.
  
  
  
• You can also use mag chloride on ice. Or, use a big flat-tipped iron rod, to break it up. Mag chloride only works if the temperatures are going to stay out of the teens, though, from my expreience. If you get sheet ice on your driveway, you can use the chunks like frisbees.

Please tell me if I have suggested a new thing that you had never thought of, or if I missed anything.

Note: the best snow removal method known to man is to pay the neighbor kids to do the whole job.