Are all rednecks bigots?

Skanky Jane asked me a while ago, "Are all rednecks bigots?" I've had to think about this for a long time, but my final answer has to be no, not all of us. Unfortunately, a disproportionate number of us are. It would appear that the same cultural conditions that are likely to lead to the tendency to take a straight line from problem A to conclusion B, regardless of the issues in the way (making them a redneck), is also likely tolead them to jump to conclusions about people. The tenacity to not give up when things get difficult also tends to lead to a tendency to not admit we're wrong. Mix in the fact that the racist South is the birthplace of most rednecks, and you get the tendency for a randomly selected redneck to also be a little bigoted. Sometimes more than a little.

Let's review the sorts of pop culture examples that lead to the perception of being a racist, sexist, and generally bigoted person as being synonymous with being a redneck.

In the closing scene of Easy Rider, Peter Fonda and Dennis Hopper are riding their motorcycles out of New Orleans and a truck comes up behind them. Pickup truck--redneck mark #1. One of them says to the other, "pass him, let's give him a scare." Accent--redneck mark #2. You will note that they are probably socially conservative (like the vast majority of rednecks are) based on their antagonism towards Hopper, as well as their close haircuts and the demographic makeup of the region they come from. The man riding shotgun then pulls out an actual shotgun, points it at Hopper, and shouts derogatory remarks at him. Hopper flips him off, and the redneck shoots. Please note the use of stereotypical redneck traits immediately surrounding a man who shows himself to be a murderous bigot. Thus, a Pavlovian association is formed between redneck and bigot in the viewer's mind, even when someone the judge to be a "redneck" displays no bigoted behavior. Fonda stops to check on Hopper, then rides in the direction they and the truck were going, to go get help. By this time, the shooter has convinced the driver of the truck to turn around and check on Hopper. We are unsure whether this is out of human concern, or to make sure he's dead. The truck passes Fonda going the other way now, back towards Hopper, and the trigger man pulls the shotgun again as Fonda draws near, and the shot hits the tank on his motorcycle, causing a large fireball and blowing him to Kingdom Come. As the truck drives away and credits roll, one can hear the two men laughing.
Given the tendency for rednecks to grow up in the South, and the the American South's history as a racist, sometimes sexist, generally intolerant cultural area, it is not statistically suprising that many rednecks are a little right-of-center on the mainstream political spectrum. Rednecks tend more than the general U.S. population to be

1. somewhat racially biased (many without even knowing it-- heck, everyone is, just some more so than others)
2. wary & unaccepting of outsiders (remember, small-community upbringing is a common formative factor for rednecks, even if that is just a neighborhood or trailer park within a big city)
3. more outspokenly critical of anyone whom they have concluded to not be straight, especially men. This escalates to violence much faster among rednecks than among, say, your average New Englander.

However, I believe that since prevalence of these stereotypical (and accurate) redneck traits drops as cultural setting changes, it is the setting causing both these bigoted behaviors and redneck-ism, not redneck-ism causing the behaviors.

I hope that's a satisfactory answer, ma'am.

Is that for you?

And other embarrassing moments avoided since the invention of the self-checkout machine.



Are you stuck doing the shopping for your family? While someone you love is in dire need of immodium? "I love you, but not that much..... oh, all right. But you owe me. We ain't changing the channel during Indy this year."

This has been a major embarrassment averted by... Checkout Machine!



A lot of fathers and husbands know this one:

*ring*

"Yes, Honey?"

"I need you to pick up some... sanitary products."

"Some... you mean... wait a second, I am a grown man. I ain't goin' up there and putting that on the conveyor belt. I gotta see these people every week."

*puppy dog eyes on other end of phone*"Pleeeeaaaase?"

Relax, sir, your supermarket is equipped with.... Checkout Machine!



It's not just at the supermarket, either. Sometimes you're at the library picking up an embarrassing movie that just came in. I believe in keeping human librarians employed and always checking out my stuff that way, but sometimes an exception must be made. For example, your documentary about gay activism has just arrived, and a glance around the room reveals that only the uber-conservative librarian with the icy stare is on duty. This could be deathly awkward, especially since you're in there every week like it's a Blockbuster.

Fear not, Checkout Machine now lives in libraries, too! (She doesn't have to know)



Or maybe you're out and about with a friend, and stop off at Safeway for some food. While you're there getting all the fixin's for a good meal of strawberries and fake whipped cream, you realize how this probably looks. If you stand in line to have a chashier ring you up, that means that both the casheir and the bagger might be getting the wrong impression, and you and your ladyfriend might get followed by some aspiring filmmaker. Solution to your strawberry fix and people getting the wrong idea:

The greatest invention since sliced bread (except not really. You can ring up your own pre-sliced bread with it, though): The Checkout Machine.



Let's talk about Cool Whip for a second. This is a fantastic invention. I'm pretty sure it's not actual cream, or if it is, there is a lot of other stuff in there with it. Cool Whip, unlike aerosol whipped creams, has a very low coefficient of collapse. That is I'm-pretty-sure-I-just-slept-through-math-class-ese for Cool Whip doesn't melt as fast as canned whipped creams do.

This property makes it ideal for topping desserts which must be made and then survive the journey to the barbeque inact. This propety also makes for some fun food fights, and allows it to stand fluffed in a bowl for weeks from manufacturing to consumption. Previously, making whipped cream was a very labor-intensive task, and, having no binders, your creation had a tendency to melt and run before you could really enjoy it. Seeing a problem, some redneck took the shortest route from point A (whipped cream a hassle, but delicios) to point B (whipped cream easy and cheap, but still tasty). In case you ever find yourself without a map on this route, it is somewhere near Route 66 and Everywhere, and at exit 252 you can get off and find Cool Whip. I can't speak to whether or not the Cool Whip will give you directions back to the interstate.

It makes sense that Cool Whip is a staple in the Midwest, especially, as part of the all-American diet. I can't say I've ever been to a get-together worth bein' at that didn't have Cool Whip. My aunt's and my cousins' weddings have all had Cool Whip in among the fancy "or-derves" once the officials had let out and the reception of liqour and stories began. Every good barbeque, reunion, and Thanksgiving dinner has had Cool Whip available, and at many of those even the non-Cool Whip vittles were housed in Cool Whip-brand tupperware. In case you haven't noticed, Cool Whip is as much a part of many rednecks' culture as using too much hairspray and growing a moustache (generally not the same person).

I am personally partial to aerosol sorts of whipped cream, given their different flavor, when getting whipped cream to top food with. You can't tip your head back and spray your mouth full of whipped cream from a plastic tub. Of course, you can't dip things in a spray can, and like I said, once sprayed, it has the self-life of an ice cube in summer. Hats off to the inventor of Cool Whip, you are a real redneck of genius. (I didn't just rip that off of a Bud ad). Hush now.