Yee-HAW

Post 100! I used "yonder" in a senence the other day. That was exciting.

I don't have anything really deep for all ya'll today. Instead, I have a Garth Brooks video. I would have a Billy Joel viedo, but all of those were either crappy karaoke or had embedding disabled. So here we are.




Speaking of Garth Brooks:

The greatest hot rod song ever written

I will gladly explain it if you don't get why it is the greatest. What other song has epic sports cars, totalitarian governement, high-speed pursuits, and the unparalleled musicianship of the three men of Rush? It's not just a good-time song like the Beach Boys wrote, it is an intricate tapestry of nostalgic pleasure in the midst of the Priests' dystopic rein. I cna't think of another song where the protagonist risks a death at the hands of the mountain, or worse, a non-death at the hands of the Thought Police. I could go on about how much I love this band, but I really have to sleep sometime soon. Good day.

Gonna buy me a Mercury and cruise it up and down the road.

I am a diehard Mercury fan. Any Merc, big, small, new, old, running, rusted out, I don't care. I believe in american cars and American bikes. I don't like the fact that they're not built in America anymore, but the Big Three are classic American marques. That's why every car that's ever occupied the driveway has had Ford, GM, or Mopar badges, even rentals. There just is no beating them. Of course, at hill climbs and rallies, I do occasionally love to hear an Italian engine wail and howl like it's tearing a hole in Hell itself. But it's the growl, roar, and bark of the American V8 that I love the most. If I can't get that, a well-tuned V6 can do a tidy job. Dare to be different, right?



You should have heard the fellow on the other end of the phone at a certain famous mail-order parts company when I asked about anything that might maybe kinda work on a front-drive 1993 60 degree six inhabiting the engine bay of a Cutlass. He tried to help, first by trying to talk me out of it, then by giving me prices and sources of parts that might not work, but might just do the trick. The target is around 400, so it might never happen, but he helped all he could. I've got my work cut out for me if I want a high-power V6, offroadable tow rig/city cruiser.

Of course, the other car is already a "little hot rod." It's a '07 Merc Milan six. 220 horse out of 183 is pretty good. But I get the feeling it's being held back. The low end is great, but the transmission is a bit shifty. It tends to pick the gear I'd like it to, you just have to speak its language. Off the line is great (even with the auto, you can pull a great holeshot. The converter stalls around 900 if you go easy on it, or up to about 1300 if you stomp on it. By the time it shifts gears, the engine is already making as much power as the four-banger does wide open. Like I said, the pull at low rpms is pretty fun.

Handling is crisp, predictable, and smooth. I find the power steering to have a good amount of resistance. I've only felt the vehicle skid once, and that was on a wet road with the traction control off. I call it "active Positraction." I mentioned the responsiveness and low end earlier, but that's on a good day. On a bad day, things are jerky, opening the throttle is just a suggestion (the computer gets final say, since it is infuriatingly drive-by-wire). Response is not crisp, but compared with the ocean-liner handling and throttle response of the Olds, it only annoys me when the person in the right seat is being impatient and wants faster starts, later stops, and general disregard for gas milage and parts longevity. Well, she should know her daughter better. When she gets impatient and says "speed up to 60 faster" she should know that that means all four windows down, pedal to the metal, engine spooling up past four grand, exhaust note loud. I may be a hotrod enthusiast, but I'm secure enough in the machine's ability to not have to show it off. My mom just likes to get there now, even if "there" is a red light. She doesn't like not being in control.

So back to what I like to call "on-ramps with a pissed off nervous backseat driver." The Milan is not a straight-line car. It does the quarter in 15 seconds at a hair over 90, or so I'm told. I intend to get it up to Bandimere soon and get timed in an E.T. class sometime this year. I'm confident it'll lose. 0-60 in nine seconds. Those numbers are bad for a car of this magnitude. Where's the lead brick?

The car itself is the lead brick. Coming in at over two tons, it's one heavy mutha. The speedometer goes to 120, the revs are limited at 133, but the car doesn't even want to do 90. I'm sure with a long enough road 133 could happen, but I don't know where that blacktop would be. I felt it complain at 87 and asked to do more last summer out in the flatlands with my dad at the helm. Besides a Corvette or a red Barchetta, I can't think of a better mountain backroads rallymobile. But if fast acceleration is needed from 55 on up, it's not gonna happen. The low end is promising, but the stock tune can't deliver.

Of course, none of that amounts to a hill of beans, the favorite thing for my family to do in that car is to cruise it up and down the road.

Montgomery Gentry--Speed

Ain't it the truth?

Din't rock the jukebox-- play me a country song!

I have come to the official conclusion that you probably don't have enough country music. No matter who you are. I intend to fix that. Montgomery Gentry have got some great songs, like "Back When I Knew it All," "What Do Ya Think About That" and "Hillbilly Shoes."

Embedding is disabled by request on some of'em, so here's the links. Check the fiddle in Hillbilly Shoes.

What Do Ya Think About That?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QytPoRLEhF0

Back When I Knew it All


Hillbilly Shoes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glyGjAyw9sM

All Night Long
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWu911G7RxA

You coming to the rave in the DC-9 tomorrow night?

"We laid rubber on the Georgia asphalt. Got a little crazy but we never got caught. Down by the river on a Friday night, pyramid of cans in the pale moonlight. Talkin' 'bout cars and dreamin' 'bout women. Never had a plan, just a-livin' for the minute!" --Alan Jackson, Chattahoochee

_____________________________

It can be incredibly stressful to be in a combat situation for months on end. A lot of the time, the only way to stay sane is to go a little bit crazy. What would you do when you're off-duty? How about on-duty?

Some pilots, just for the fun of it, would get buck naked over Kuwait in the first Gulf War. Ever been in the cockpit of a fighter? From the looks of it, that would be tough but not impossible. That's what the cruise control is for.

On the Carl Vinson, pilots and trainees joke that the soft serve ice cream that comes out of the machine in the mess hall is dog feces. Now that I think about it, the way it comes out of the machine does bear a striking resemblence. I don't think I'll have soft-serve ice cream for a while.

Dark humor really is the only way to deal with the fear and stress of walking the line between life and death, where the only way you get to stay on this side of it is by working out your own salvation. When you're climbing a rock face that will take you more than one day, you'd have to sleep in a suspended sleeping bag called a bivvy sack. Mountain rescue workers call body bags "long term bivvy sacks." macabre, but necessary.

So that's really the only way I can explain these guys. They may be flying a mission, but that doesn't mean that they can't goof off a little, too. I think this is a very good reason that military airplanes should not have CD players. Of course, tank guys found a way to patch a CD player into the onboard audio, so you never know...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGl0LNohfb4

The embed code is acting up again. Just for reference, that is a C-130 cargo plane the're flying. Or not flying...

Glorious absence of sophistication, right here, people.

Wow, youtube is really unhappy about letting me embed anything right now. So I will give you the link, and inform you that these people have come up with a better way to put one's pants on. One leg at a time is no fun, and is so last century. Plus, what better way to waste an afternoon than jumping out a second-story window into a pair of Levi's 501s? Maybe have a spare set of pants stashed in case you ever need to climb out the window and hop a fence when her "boyfriend" gets home early. Infinite applications...

Check it out.

What could possibly go wrong?

Let me get this straight...

You build a giant slingshot, very near to a large stand of trees. You strap yourself into it and have your buddy on a his ATV tow you at least 100 feet and then let you go.

You do not bring a helmet.

You do not bring a change of underwear.

What could possibly go wrong?

http://video.msn.com/?mkt=en-us&vid=33c89eca-bd1f-4ea4-8d97-f429c2b9cee0&playlist=videoByTag:tag:most%20watched%20viral:ns:MSNVideo_Top_Cat:mk:us:vs:0&from=MSNHP&tab=m1192124571607&GT1=28114

If I could embed, I would. Sorry.

Long Way Home: A Bigfoot Story

This is an award-winning film made by a guy named James. We call him Bubba, 'cause that's his nickname. Watch the whole movie. If you can't do it in one sitting, just make a note of where you left off. I haven't timed how long it is, but he says he hasn't got the whole movie up on youtube yet.

Update

Wow, it's been a while. Thanksgiving really took a chunk of my attention, it looks like.

It is a redneck behavior for your scale die-cast car and motorcycle models get their own dedicated cabinet, and your ceramic food-ware doesn't. Many of you gearheads out there know what I'm talking about. Let's share photos of our collections.

What else..... oh, yes. I have been asked to embed a certain sort of video here. I've given up on that. Sorry, Moonbeam. You find one, I'll embed it.

I have another axe to grind. Snow removal. Those of you who get a serious winter every year know what I'm talking about. Use the proper implements to remove that pesky stuff. A grass-blowing lawnmover, while it will suck up and throw dry snow, will do nothing but rust in the face of wet snow. So don't try it, or you'll have a nasty rusty suprise in the spring.

If you do destroy your lawn mower via snow-removal, take the engine out and get rid of the rest. Don't stick it in your fucking shed and buy a new one. A 16 horsepower engine is good for highway speeds. A rusty lawnmower shell is good for nothing.


Other bad snow removal methods:

• If you live on an appreciable hill, it might look logical to try to remove the 2-4 inches of snow with a snow shovel that you're holding out front of your Radio Flyer wagon. It works, but you need extra weight in the wagon and it is tough to keep the shovel under all the snow. It is also difficult to guide the snow to the side. Steering is also a problem. Falling out of the wagon isn't fun, either.
  
  
• Using a heat lamp to melt the snow off will remove snow, but it is slow and will result in ice.
  
  
• Purposely playing music loud to try to cause an avalanche off of your roof, thus avoiding danger of the snow weight causing structural problems looks good on paper. Gabled roffs are at the optimal angle for an avalanche, and if you have gotten two bouts of snow, one should come off easily. Causing vibration to loosen the snow, similar to tumbling the walls of Jericho, sounds plausible. Issues with this approach:
  
  Unless you have four-foot-tall Peavey concert PA speakers on the first floor of your house, hooked up to a Korg, Marshall, or other concert post-amp, you will not get a loud enough bass range to do anything useful. You will only fry something expensive.
  
  If you do have the above, consider your attic space. It is likely insulated, which will deaden the effect.
  
  Another issue: You will likely damage your hearing in the attempt unless you use construction earmuffs. You may also damage windows. Duct tape won't fix that, bucko.
  
  
  
• An ice removal tip: Use a heavy metal rod, not a sledgehammer or hammer of any sort.

Better ways to acomplish the same thing as the above:

• Forget the wagon. Just hold onto the shovel, put it at about a 15 degree angle towards the street, and take a run at it. You'll act like a human snowplow. No more lifting.
  
  
  
• Use mag chloride. table salt isn't as effective.
  
  
  
• Get in the attic and bang on the underside of the roof. Not too hard, as you don't want to disloge nails. It will work quite well. You will also likely itch like hell from the insulation, so cover up before you get up there and tuck in your shirt, duct taping your sleeves and pantlegs tight. Now go fix that window.
  
  
  
• You can also use mag chloride on ice. Or, use a big flat-tipped iron rod, to break it up. Mag chloride only works if the temperatures are going to stay out of the teens, though, from my expreience. If you get sheet ice on your driveway, you can use the chunks like frisbees.

Please tell me if I have suggested a new thing that you had never thought of, or if I missed anything.

Note: the best snow removal method known to man is to pay the neighbor kids to do the whole job.