What It Is

Jeff Foxworthy defines "redneck" as "a complete lack of sophistication. Maybe not all the time, but I guarantee that at some time in your life, you have been a redneck."

Some of us more than others.

Being a redneck does not always mean doing dumbass stunts, and doing dumbass stunts does not make you a redneck, but hey, it's pretty unsophisticated when you use upended two-by-fours as jackstands for your truck and don't stop to worry about the possible consequences. Being a redneck doesn't mean you're poor, nor do you need to be trailer trash. But if you grew up in a single-wide practicing your baseball pitches with rocks on your dad's empties, you might be a redneck.

Not every redneck drinks. But a lot of us do. Not because we're alcoholics, but because it's social. We're not all stupid, nor are we all Southern. We do, however, do what it takes to get it done (whatever that is) and don't give a rat's ass about what you think of how we did it.

This is for those of you who need new ideas on how to solve your problems the redneck way.

This is for those of you who are wondering if you might be a redneck.

This is to share your daily redneck moments, no matter who you are. I know high-class, college-educated people who have a redneck moment almost every few weeks and aren't scared to admit it. I also know a four-year-old who wolfs down Thanksgiving dinner so he can go "Blow shit up" out back with his daddy.

Redneck Woman

Contact

The author of this blog can be reached at Dwyer43@msn.com on a daily basis. Send me a note that you dropped by, and definitely leave comments, opinions, questions, suggestions. You didn't like it? Tell me that, too. Want me to add a new page funtionality? Lemme know. Comprende?

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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Can you beat this?

The other day I was having a debate with a friend of mine over who was whiter-trash. We've set the bar pretty high over the course of trying to one-up each other. So here's a short list.

You might be white trash if:

You have ever watched someone beat a belligerant drunk party guest with a string of dried chiles.
You were ever on the recieving end of such a beating.
You have ever heard a tornado warning and hid under your trailer.
You have ever ridden in the bed of a Ford pickup.
You have ever ridden in the bed of a Ford pickup at 75 miles an hour and were still able to hear the Alan Jackson song playing in the cab.
You once went two months without eating anything that hadn't been microwaved.
You have ever bought breakfast, lunch, and dinner at a 7-Eleven.
You have ever proudly sang the song "Upper-Middle-Class White Trash".
You began singing the chorus when your friend said that.
You know anyone who actually "stopped to pee, got some gas and won the lottery!"
You will drop whatever you're doing to go to a pig roast.
You have ever seen roadkill and thought "I bet that'd be good with some A-1 on it."
You keep your James Bond tapes in an A&W box.
You can name twelve barbeque joints within driving distance of wherever you are.
You have gator meat in your freezer.
You have a snakeskin belt from a snake killed by anyone you know.
You know anyone who goes by the name "Cornbread".
You know how to ride a non-riding lawnmower.
You have ever gone to Wal-Mart in search of shoes, because you accidentally left on vacation with no shoes whatsoever.
You're not ashamed to wear a bright red Rocky's Autos hat.
You will drive 900 miles to watch someone drive 500 miles.
You will drive 200 miles to watch someone drive 12.42 miles uphill.
Freestyle Snowshoe Boulder Jumping sounds like a good idea.
You have ever hit a tree. While walking. In the summer. On purpose. More than once.
And, most of all, if you have ever participated in a contest over how white-trash you are.
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