Time to do a little guest writing.

Seeing as I'm not hungry right now, this post will contain a lot less description of what critters are tasty, containing instead information about fish.

First, here's how to fish the stereotypical redneck way: Get a cooler to put the fish in, some dynamite, and some matches. Go to the fishing hole and make sure there is nobody around. Light the dynamite, toss it in the water, and gather the resultant fish into the cooler. Repeat as necessary. Any explosive will do if you can't find dynamite.

However, as you all know, I like to go beyond the stereotype and examine all of the ways that rednecks behave, and discuss instances where people who are otherwise rednecks behave in a manner that is not unsophisticated.

When a redneck man goes fishing, he often will do it with his buddies, searching for bragging rights. In these cases, the best lures, gear, and boats that money can buy are often involved. This is fishing the yuppie way, and I personally do not have the money or the constitution for it. But when a man goes fishing, he is doing it in a redneck manner (even if in other parts of his life he's not a redneck) when he uses his daddy's old broken fishing pole, or a pole he bought at a yard sale, or his tackle box contains as many woodworking tools as it does fishing gear. Hand-dug American worms are another point of pride among fishermen like this, the guys to whom it's not honest if you didn't have to try. That's redneck ingenuity.

Noodling for catfish is a way that rednecks and hillbillies have been known to fish. This is a process in which a large catfish is caught by the redneck wading in the water, sticking his arm in an underwater hole, and if a fish bites him, it's probably a catfish. It'll hang on, too. This is one of the most efficient ways to catch catfish, but it is also one of the most dangerous, as catfish have innards (don't ask for the technical term) down their throat that will cut you up pretty bad if you twist your hand around too much. Also, catfish territory is also alligator territory, so you never really know what you're going to get bitten by.

Now you've got your fish. Here's some popular ways to cook your fish. Remember, just because you have an oven in your house doesn't mean that you see the need to use it when you have other approaches that work just as well. We're just hungry rednecks, not high-class chefs.

Cooking fish in a dishwasher is a famous approach. I've never tried this, but I hear the way it's done is the same as formally poaching a fish in a paper bag in the oven, only you use aluminum foil. My favorite seasoning is Worcestershire sauce, but I hear that my cousin knows a guy who makes great Jack Daniels catfish in the dishwasher. My cousin tells me that the key is to make sure it's only set on "dry" or something, similar to thawing in the dryer. If you use the whole cleaning cycle of your dishwasher, you'll have aluminum and fish everywhere. basically, season your fish, make sure there's a lot of liquid marinade in the foil, and then seal up the foil good and tight. Put through the dry cycle on your dishwasher and serve.

My preferred cooking method (other than over a wood fire) is to wrap my food and put it on the engine block of the car for a long trip. It takes some practice, like cooking over wood without a thermomter or timer, but the resultant fod is delicious, if only becausr you have a hot meal when you arrive at your destination. It is possible to overcook things with this method. More detail on how to do this method later, after I've done some sleeping.

Getting the Family Together

This is what happens when you get my family together.

At my great aunt's 60th wedding anniversary, she invited the whole family. That meant four different clans. If you're familiar with the town of Lamar in southeast Colorado, they own a tree farm there.

135 blood relatives came. A large portion of the town also showed up, including the whole fire department.

The aboveground pool had frogs in it.... that were put there on purpose. It was a game for all the youngsters (you know, up to 25 year old or so) to try to catch them. Whoever got the most would get an extra bag of fireworks that night.

The food and seating were shaded by tents-- tarps duct taped between 2x4s. Not because they couldn't afford proper tents, but because that would take more effort. We barbequed three sorts of canned meat and had an impromptu chilli cookoff. My second cousin Dusty won. The whole affair was being cooled by a swamp cooler-- the one they had just unbolted from their roof and set on blocks facing the tents.

After we ate, we decided to ride ATVs. Everyone who didn't bring their ATV decided to figure out a way to attach a gas motor from one of the old lawnmowers (five lawnmowers, one patch of grass on the whole property) to anything with wheels by some kind of belt. That and slingshots made from the elastic out of old underwear (again, not because nobody could afford it, but because if it don't fit no more, do something else with it) kept folks entertained the rest of the day.

At some point in the late afternoon, several young fellas from my mother's father's uncle's side of the family (gettin' complicated?) pulled up late for the party in their pickup truck, saying "Sorry we're late, Danny forgot the cannon."

...?

Yes, they had built a cannon out of some old pipe, bolted it to the pickup bed, and proceeded to start shooting bowling balls across the field. Then we'd race to go find them on our ATVs (or lawnmower-bicyles) and bring 'em back so we'd get to shoot. The fire marshall had a good time with this, too.

Speaking of whom, bear in mind that all fireworks that blow up or leave the ground (all the fun ones) have been banned in Colorado for around a decade. That's why the whole fire department was invited-- so folks could shoot off bottle rockets and other, bigger ordinance and not get arrested. Wine and dine them, and they'll give you permission, with or without a licencse.

It got dark, and the best frog-catcher got extra fireworks. There was quite a show. The aforementioned four-year old (see previous post), being only three at the time, was only allowed sparklers and smoke bombs... and the occasional small cracker when there were a few adults around.

At some point shortly after midnight, folks started packing up to leave.

This all seemed perfectly logical and rational to us, even the guys (no relation, just local boys) who thought about seeing if a generator would run on Jack. My point is, get much of my family together, and whether they admit it or not, there will be many redneck moments.

How about yours?