AAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHH!

My most articulate title yet. I just went to get some food out of the fridge, and what do I find? The fucking thermometer has fallen apart. Not only had it fallen apart, but it had then gotten frozen to the inside of the fridge. So now, our fridge freezes stuff when we don't want it to, made a thermometer designed to go to -20 crack, stuck said thermometer to the fridge wall with a layer of ice, and I still can't find my favorite shot glass that's in there somewhere.

My solution? I went outside, took the thermometer off the porch, put it in a freezer size Ziploc, and put that in the fridge. It's temporary, until we buy a new fridge thermometer. It'll be in there a while. Outside, I know it's darn cold. In the fridge, I need to be more specific.

What else? Oh, yes. I have recorded a small blues album. And I saw on the news that Purgatory freezes over at night this time of the year. This means that if I can ever get it off the master tapes and into mp3 format, I may consider getting a myspace page to put it on. Can anyone help me with this problem? Is there a program or something? How do I do analog to digital?

Speaking of music, you need to hear this band, everyone. No redneck is complete without his bluegrass and/or country. Johnny 3 Note. Unfortunately you missed "Tear my Still House Down" which was basically the best song ever, but if you ask nicely they might put it back up. They play every Thursday, I think, at White Fence Farm, admission free. You will be blown away.

In other news, Taylor, no one told you about that song because we thought you knew. Sorry.

Good ideas and bad ideas

As you've probably noticed, I harbor a strong dislike for snow. This dislike for snow went from mild irritant to full-blown pet peeve last winter. I'm sure you heard about the 90 days of snow that crippled the Midwest? Don't get me wrong, I love sledding. I am addicted to snowboarding when I don't have to pay through the nose to do it. I wouldn't mind getting suspended for a snowball fight. My contempt for snow lies in its tendency to turn into ice, and that ice to turn into work. Work for which I do not get paid. If I got my ass in gear, I could offer the only ice-removal service that I'm aware of in the area. Snow also makes a horrific mess of my beloved car. The mag chloride destroys the paint and rusts the frame. We've clipped our trees trying to get in the driveway, too, and caused damage to the cars. Overall, I hate snow when it is on paved surfaces or my family's cars.

This brings me to my story. Yesterday I was out removing ice from all the paved surfaces around our home. The melting is also getting on my nerves. When it stays below freezing, the snow sticks around for my snowsport pleasure, and can be plowed off the streets. I only have to deal with it once. But when it gets above freezing, it forms lakes and lakes of ice every night. On a bloody hill, so I can't even go skating on it. I just have to chip it off every freakin' day, before dawn so it's still brittle enough to chip. Yesterday, due to passing out at a really bad time, I found myself outside at three in the afternoon. Just as the ice was too hard to shovel and too soft to chip. If you ever want hours of frustration or maybe a really dastardly punishment for your kids, send them out to remove ice on the first 45 degree day since the snow fell.

Anyway, as I found myself just getting pissed off enough to feel like doing and/or watching something stupid, something stupid dutifully showed up. A boy on an ATV going up an icy hill with King Soopers bags. This would be the ideal way to get around, except this poor bugger had a little 1/2 horsepower air-compressor engine in it. No torque. He couldn't even spin his wheels, all he could do was get off and push it uphill. At one point he got it to where he could spin his wheels (after taking half an hour to go up half a block), and his dad, who was with him, hopped on the back and they proceeded to creep up the rest of the block, revving the engine at the redline. This made my day.

I felt sorry for them, and was tempted to run inside and sell them a better hillclimbing engine, but logic got ahold of me (I want to use that engine and they couldn't afford it) and I just watched the whole absurd spectacle unfold before my eyes. I have never seen an ATV be that hopeless, with that small of a motor. It looked like a kit vehicle, or perhaps one that they put the small motor in so that they didn't have to license it. I don't know. All I know is that they had the right idea but the wrong execution. If anything had gone wrong, I've seen bad bad things happen to vehicles stuck on that hill.

Also, I think I'm going to start an ice removal business and get a little more cash tucked away for when the shit hits the fan. Spekaing of which, look out for my little philosophical piece on the various ways shit can hit the fan. Coming soon to a blog near you.