I'm definitely a Coloradan

And damn proud of it. But, anyway, I'm not here to profess why I love my home state so much, not in this post. Im here to talk about what I just got in email. I'm too lazy to verify if he actually said any of this stuff, but the following are attributed to Jeff Foxworthy.

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Jeff Foxworthy on Colorado .

( It was only a matter of time before Jeff Foxworthy took a couple of shots at Colorado !)

You are a Coloradoan if ............

1. You switch from 'Heat' to 'A/C' in one day.

2. You know what the ' Peoples Republic of Boulder' means.

3. Your sense of direction is: towards the mountains and away from the mountains.

4. You're a meat-eating vegetarian.

5. The bike on your car is worth more than your car and you have your own special bike lane.

6. You're able to drive 65 miles per hour through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without even flinching.

7. You take your out-of-town guests to Casa Bonita even though you would never go there otherwise.

8. You think your major food groups are granola bars, tofu and Fat Tire Beer.

9. You design your kid's Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.

10. You think that sexy lingerie is wool socks and flannel PJs.

11. You know all 4 seasons 'almost winter, winter, still winter and spring blizzards

12. You've been tear gassed in a riot to celebrate a CU/CSU victory.

13. You can never figure out why your out-of-town guests faint from altitude sickness on a picnic to the mountains.

14. You can drive over a 12,000-foot pass in 4 feet of snow, but can't get to work if there are 4 inches of snow.

15. You know the 'correct' pronunciation of Buena Vista .

16. When you visit friends at sea level, you can drink a case of beer and not get a buzz.

17. Your car insurance costs more than your car.

18. You have surge protectors on every outlet.

19. April showers bring May blizzards.

20. 'Timberline' is someplace you have actually been.

21. You know what a 'Chinook' is

22. You know what a ' Rocky Mountain Oyster' is.

23. You know what a 'fourteener' is.

24. .But you don't know what a 'turn signal' is.

25. A bear on your front porch doesn't bother you nearly as much as a Democrat in Congress does.

26. Your golf bag has a 9-iron, a 3-wood and a lightning rod.

27. People from out of state breathe 5 times as often as you do.

28. Having a Senator named Nighthorse doesn't seem strange.

29. Thunder has set off your car alarm.

30. You have an $800 stereo in your $300 truck.

31. You think a red light means 3 more cars can go.

32. Where we're going, we don't need roads!!

33. You know where the real ' South Park ' is.

34. You can recognize the license plates of all 50 states on sight.

35. Driving directions usually include 'Go over_________ Pass. '

36. You've checked for ticks.

37. You've dressed in shorts, sandals, and a parka with a hood.

38. You've gone snow skiing in July and.........

39. You've played golf in January and.......

40. They were in the same year!

41. You've urinated on the Continental Divide just so it could run into both oceans.

42. You know what a down slope and an up slope weather pattern is.

43. And the most important: You get a certain feeling of satisfaction from knowing that California and Texas are both down stream.

44. You have barbequed in ski gear

45. You actually understand these jokes

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I am now going to list which ones apply to myself or to people I know.

1. It happens a lot.

2. Yes, I do, and I find it to be a yuppie term for a yuppie community that really isn't like what it looks like to snarky suburbanites. Not that I dislike Boulder, I just wanted to make that clear.

3. That's 100% true. I went on vacation to Idaho last summer, tripped me out. I nearly got 180 degrees backwards a few times, and other times I had to wait for the sun to visibly move in order to figure out which way was which. All ya'll mountain rednecks know what I mean. I know where I am in Colorado and which way I'm facing just based off of a few mountain peaks.

4. Once my cousin told me about why she's a vegetarian.... over dinner at a steakhouse.

6. That's how my parents moved back to Colorado. During a blizzard on Ratton Pass.

7. A lot of people can vouch for that.

8. I object to this one and the stereotyping of all Coloradans as neo-hippies. I also resent the stereotype of hippies that you're using. However, this one fits my 7th grade science teacher to a "t."

9. I went as the Abominable Snowman one year. I was going to be Chewbacca, but the snow had other plans.

10. Don't knock it until you've been that cold. If it's that cold in the house and my girl came to bed wearing wool socks and flannel PJs, I'd be like, "yes."

11. True. Horribly, horribly true, but not funny. You forgot the fifth season, though: hot as hell. It goes like this: Winter, still winter, spring blizzards, hot as hell, almost winter again.

13. No, I can't figure that out. My solution, though, is to bring a small oxygen cylinder like for oxyacetelyne welding and have them open that up into a bag and breathe into that for a while. That's what I, a 5280-footer, had to do when I hauled my cameras up to 13,500 feet for the Pike's Peak Hill Climb, on foot from 13,000.

14. Hey, you get an excuse, you use it.

15. Yeah, I do. You got a problem with that?

16. I haven't tried it with beer, but I do know that I'm like a freakin' fish at sea level. I can barely do 30 seconds here holding my breath, but in the ocean I can pull closer to a minute and a quarter.

17. Hey, it's the hailstorm's fault that the car's totaled, not mine.

18. I have expensive electronics, I live on a high high pont in a lightning-prone area. That's just common sense.

19. Like I've been telling anyone who asks about the weather, I am now going to just labor under the delusion that it's summer until it actually is, even if I can't feel my hands when I go outside. If winter needs to reach me, I'll be ignoring the May blizzard.

20. Yeah, you got a problem with that? Driving up to timberline counts as a white-trash Colorado vacation.

21. Grumble grumble grumble grrr.

22. And it's fun to tell the ignorant what they are after they've eaten a few. That said, rocky mountain oysters are tasty, as long as they're well-cooked and you don't stop and think about what it is.

23. Doesn't everyone?

24. That's my mom. She signals after she's already halfway in the lane.

25. Congress itself bothers me, not just one party. But yes, a bear on my front porch wouldn't really bother me. I practically grew up in the mountains of Cascade, what do you expect?

26. I've seen it.

27. That's true, man. I hadn't really noticed until we flew back from sea level one time and I could barely walk a few blocks without sitting down.

28. Nor does meeting a man whose driver's liscense actually listed his name as "Drillbit" at the gas station one time. He smoked Camels, looked to be as old as the hills, and still got carded. Go figure.

29. Thunder, lightning, and one time, hail.

33. Yeah, I do. Luckily, it's not like the other one.

34. Just about.

35. Yeah, they do, and I'll write them on a napkin for ya. If you're nice I'll even tell you if the pass in question is closed.

36. That's just logic, man.

37. Add in a huge old film camera under that parka (to keep 'em dry) and you'll have my dad and I on vacation in Yellowstone during a rainstorm.

41. It's a rite of passage.

42. All too well.

44. I admit that I added this one, but some of the other ones were obviously added by someone in the email chain. Like I said, I'm too lazy to verify all of these.

45. Tragic, ain't it?