What It Is

Jeff Foxworthy defines "redneck" as "a complete lack of sophistication. Maybe not all the time, but I guarantee that at some time in your life, you have been a redneck."

Some of us more than others.

Being a redneck does not always mean doing dumbass stunts, and doing dumbass stunts does not make you a redneck, but hey, it's pretty unsophisticated when you use upended two-by-fours as jackstands for your truck and don't stop to worry about the possible consequences. Being a redneck doesn't mean you're poor, nor do you need to be trailer trash. But if you grew up in a single-wide practicing your baseball pitches with rocks on your dad's empties, you might be a redneck.

Not every redneck drinks. But a lot of us do. Not because we're alcoholics, but because it's social. We're not all stupid, nor are we all Southern. We do, however, do what it takes to get it done (whatever that is) and don't give a rat's ass about what you think of how we did it.

This is for those of you who need new ideas on how to solve your problems the redneck way.

This is for those of you who are wondering if you might be a redneck.

This is to share your daily redneck moments, no matter who you are. I know high-class, college-educated people who have a redneck moment almost every few weeks and aren't scared to admit it. I also know a four-year-old who wolfs down Thanksgiving dinner so he can go "Blow shit up" out back with his daddy.

Redneck Woman

Contact

The author of this blog can be reached at Dwyer43@msn.com on a daily basis. Send me a note that you dropped by, and definitely leave comments, opinions, questions, suggestions. You didn't like it? Tell me that, too. Want me to add a new page funtionality? Lemme know. Comprende?

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Friday, February 8, 2008

Salt of the Earth

Every good redneck needs a kickass belt buckle. Wait, that's not true. I ain't good, and there are probably some good redneck folks who just haven't found the perfect chunk of metal. Well, look no farther. The people of B & K Rocky Mountain Enterprises can help you out.

If any of you want an explanation on why we wear a quarter-pound of brass just above our groin as a status symbol, well that's your problem. No, I'm kidding. That really does confound some people. First of all, you have to understand that the redneck man's idea of lookin' good and the non-redneck's idea of looking good are fundamentally different. Some of us rednecks have no fashion sense (check Wal-Mart). Jeff Foxworthy has put together a list of tips to help those rednecks with their problem. For the rest of us, t-shirts change from day to day (right, people?), pants change when they get dirty, hats are intermittent, coats are either too hot or too cold, but no matter what, you are ALWAYS wearing a belt. And you gotta fasten it. The belt buckle is the item of apparel that sums up who you are or what your greatest acomplishment is. Looking at a redneck man is like reading the tech sheet for a custom motorcycle. Look at a redneck man when he's dressed casual, and you will be able to tell from his belt buckle if he's ever won anything, and if not, what his passion in life is. You will be able to tell from his t-shirt what kind of truck he drives, what radio station he listens to, who his favorite band is, who he roots for in NASCAR, or where he went on vacation one of the past 21 summers, depending on the day. (If you ever see a t-shirt that says "I've been to timberline and it looked just like a dirt parking lot" ask him what shop he got it at). If he's wearing a hat, you'll be able to tell what redneck culture he fits in with best, what kind of vehicle he drives, or what his favorite sport to attend is. If he's wearing a jacket, you'll know what he smokes or what his favorite sports team is. Whether or not his belt matches the color of his shoes tells you if he gives a rip about what you'll think of him.

But like I said, it's his belt buckle that will tell you the most about him.

B & K is a real mom & pop company, run by good, salt of the earth people. Your belt buckle ever breaks, you ship it to them and they'll fix it for ya. Because even though that may not be good business (not charging for it and all), that's being a good person. That's integrity, standing by your product.

They sell some of the most fantastic belt buckles I've ever seen. You can profess your love for America, your love for freedom in general, your love of American motorcycles, your love for fishing, or your love for cars, among other things. Guess which one I own and wear (hint: check my profile picture).

If you're not in Denver, call and ask about the belt buckles they sell and how you can get one at one of these numbers. 303-798-6718 or 303-730-2067. Please remember that it's very bad form to call outside of traditional business hours and that those will be calculated for the mountain time zone.