Time to do a little guest writing.

Seeing as I'm not hungry right now, this post will contain a lot less description of what critters are tasty, containing instead information about fish.

First, here's how to fish the stereotypical redneck way: Get a cooler to put the fish in, some dynamite, and some matches. Go to the fishing hole and make sure there is nobody around. Light the dynamite, toss it in the water, and gather the resultant fish into the cooler. Repeat as necessary. Any explosive will do if you can't find dynamite.

However, as you all know, I like to go beyond the stereotype and examine all of the ways that rednecks behave, and discuss instances where people who are otherwise rednecks behave in a manner that is not unsophisticated.

When a redneck man goes fishing, he often will do it with his buddies, searching for bragging rights. In these cases, the best lures, gear, and boats that money can buy are often involved. This is fishing the yuppie way, and I personally do not have the money or the constitution for it. But when a man goes fishing, he is doing it in a redneck manner (even if in other parts of his life he's not a redneck) when he uses his daddy's old broken fishing pole, or a pole he bought at a yard sale, or his tackle box contains as many woodworking tools as it does fishing gear. Hand-dug American worms are another point of pride among fishermen like this, the guys to whom it's not honest if you didn't have to try. That's redneck ingenuity.

Noodling for catfish is a way that rednecks and hillbillies have been known to fish. This is a process in which a large catfish is caught by the redneck wading in the water, sticking his arm in an underwater hole, and if a fish bites him, it's probably a catfish. It'll hang on, too. This is one of the most efficient ways to catch catfish, but it is also one of the most dangerous, as catfish have innards (don't ask for the technical term) down their throat that will cut you up pretty bad if you twist your hand around too much. Also, catfish territory is also alligator territory, so you never really know what you're going to get bitten by.

Now you've got your fish. Here's some popular ways to cook your fish. Remember, just because you have an oven in your house doesn't mean that you see the need to use it when you have other approaches that work just as well. We're just hungry rednecks, not high-class chefs.

Cooking fish in a dishwasher is a famous approach. I've never tried this, but I hear the way it's done is the same as formally poaching a fish in a paper bag in the oven, only you use aluminum foil. My favorite seasoning is Worcestershire sauce, but I hear that my cousin knows a guy who makes great Jack Daniels catfish in the dishwasher. My cousin tells me that the key is to make sure it's only set on "dry" or something, similar to thawing in the dryer. If you use the whole cleaning cycle of your dishwasher, you'll have aluminum and fish everywhere. basically, season your fish, make sure there's a lot of liquid marinade in the foil, and then seal up the foil good and tight. Put through the dry cycle on your dishwasher and serve.

My preferred cooking method (other than over a wood fire) is to wrap my food and put it on the engine block of the car for a long trip. It takes some practice, like cooking over wood without a thermomter or timer, but the resultant fod is delicious, if only becausr you have a hot meal when you arrive at your destination. It is possible to overcook things with this method. More detail on how to do this method later, after I've done some sleeping.

I'm not really insane.

I just love good food. Those of you who know me know that I love meat. Beef, elk, venison, fish (I will do a review of the best-tasting fish if you want), rattlesnake ( a must-try for all of you), snail, chicken, turkey, crab, shrimp, buffalo, antelope, rabbit, squirrel. Wild boar is delicious. So is pheasant, but pigeon is better. Pork. Bacon. Ham. Have you ever cooked a honeybaked ham, sliced it, and then fried those slices in a skillet? I have. Put baked beans on that and you have the breakfast, lunch, and dinner of champions. My point here, however, is that a few nights ago it was going to be a low of -2 degrees. Fahrenheit, and I'm apparently the only nutjob who thinks that's good weather to have a barbeque. Winter, due to its cold temperatures and forbidding ice, is a major damper on my carnivorous diet, and I decided that I wasn't going to put up with it. Now my ski gear (and everyday coat) smells like maple smoke and I like it.

It takes a true devotion to meat, potatoes, and baked beans to be willing to dress up in goosedown-lined pants (did I mention that goose is tasty?), thermal underwear, two flannels, wrap a scarf around your face, put on a Carhartt coat and start grilling. Chuck steak is the best cut to grill, by the way. Good flavor, good texture, doesn't cause flareups, and is cheap. The butcher will tell you it's stewmeat, but don't listen. One of these days I hope to shoot a snake and grill it. Anyway, if you've ever grilled in subzero temperatures, you're probably a redneck. If you're interested in how to not screw up the food, get frostbite, melt your clothes, or even how to get the fire started when it's damn cold, ask and ye shall be told.

I hear it's traditional this time of year to toss some shrimp on the grill, too. I might do that next time King Soopers is having a sale.